LC’s most annoying: Which duos deserve your ire this Valentine’s?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Lewis & Clark students are either raving about the romantic holiday or dreading every moment that LC’s most annoying couples have to offer. From getting frisky in chem lab to bragging about each other’s new tattoos, we will get a glance into the daily lives of the top four most annoying couples at LC and determine who will be crowned Most Annoying on Campus. 

#1: The Common Room Boners

The first couple we will examine are freshmen Thurman Merman ’27 and Carey Oakey ’27, the oh-so heterosexual high school sweethearts. While it is nice that they managed to go to the same college and somehow stay together, they may have taken their relationship too seriously.

Dinah Sore ’27, one of Oakey’s three roommates, shared that while they generally get along with both Oakey and her boyfriend, Sore fears that the relationship may become toxic (or at least super cringe) as Oakey and Merman are almost always together.

“Look, I think Thurman is a nice guy, and I’m happy for Carey and all,” Sore said. “But Carey constantly brags about how she loves him so much, how handsome or nice he is. It has gotten to be too much. They regularly stay up until 3 a.m. watching movies while holding hands and smooching, despite the strictly worded ‘no-being-gross’ clause in our roommate agreement.”

Allegations against the couple include eating face over Bon food and having sex on common room couches. However, a spokesperson for the couple (who appeared to be Oakey and Merman in one single hoodie) denied the latter, claiming the most the couple has done are tasteful French kisses. 

#2: The Evangelical Vegans 

The second couple for your consideration are Casey Macy ’26 and Kitty Katz ’26, the co-leaders of the Leftist Student Union and members of LC’s Vegan Society. Despite their membership in the Vegan Society, Macy and Katz’s beliefs are unorthodox compared to most vegans; their vegan peers describe them as “evangelical.” Macy and Katz are regularly seen protesting at the Bon or the Troom, demanding them to stop serving hungry students meat and dairy products and make all meals 100% vegan. 

“We fell in love because we both believe in the complete abolition of animal products, including furries,” Macy explains. 

“As part of our journey as a couple, we swore to each other that we will either convert our friends to veganism or defriend them if they refuse,” Katz added.

Bud Light ’24 explained Katz and Macy’s evangelical methods may explain why they are, at the time of this writing, the most hated lesbian couple at LC (though the competition is stiff and rankings are constantly changing).

“Casey and Kitty give vegans a bad rap,” Light reminisces. “One day, they harassed me at lunch just because I was eating bratwurst, telling me that I am evil for eating meat. When I told them that I will never follow their bullshit, they called me a neo-Nazi.”

#3: The Stoner Couple

The third couple featured on this list are seniors Rocky Rhodes ’24 and Sharon Weed ’24, who started getting serious only two weeks ago. Ranked #1 Student for Reefer Madness by The Mossy Log, Rhodes believes that the day when they smoked their first joint was the best day of their life. 

Weed (a.k.a. “The Stoner Queen”) is the perfect girlfriend for Rhodes as she is the leader of the underground student union known as the LC Stoner Society (branded as LCSS to remain secret). She met Rhodes when their friend Forrest Greene ’25 recruited them to the LCSS two months ago. Weed took an instant liking to Rhodes and the two eventually fell deeply in love.

“The moment I met Rocky was when I realized that we were star-crossed lovers,” Weed stated enthusiastically. 

“I finally found someone who smokes as much weed as I do,” Rhodes added. “I never realized until I met her that there were people more stoned than I am.”

In their free time, Rhodes and Weed regularly go to the water tower to get stoned, unoriginally. Unsurprisingly, they are always high, even during classes. 

#4: The Poor Little Rich Kids

Last, but not least, we have Jack Daniels ’25 and Ella Gant ’25, some of the richest students at LC. Compared to the other couples above, Daniels and Gant generally act level-headed and well-mannered in public areas to avoid embarrassing their families. However, numerous students envy their wealth and accuse them of being show-offs for constantly posting clout-chasing photos in loud designer clothes. 

“It’s not our fault that we were born into a life of comfort,” Daniels remarked. “These students, who are still more privileged than the average person, envy us. They wish they could be us! They got mad when they saw pictures of me and Ella staying at a Four Seasons beach resort in Cabo San Lucas during the last spring break. Honestly, they need to get a life.”

Gant staunchly defends their conduct, insisting that we should all try to accept and embrace people from different backgrounds that our own.

“There is no inherent moral value to money,” Gant recited from the homepage of the Association of Waldorf Schools’ website. “I’m just like everyone else. I lace up my vintage Hermés boots and walk to class every morning, and I only take the helicopter to Nantucket on odd weekends.”

Daniels hails from Rancho Santa Fe, with his mother being a neurosurgeon and his father a banker. His girlfriend is the daughter of a wealthy businessman from Atherton. During her high school years, Gant participated in numerous débutante balls. 

Conclusion

While these four couples are annoying for different reasons, each of them have moments that make their little quirks uniquely awful. Whether it is fucking in the common room, attempting to convert sudents to veganism, being stoned 24/7 or being filthy rich, each one seems just that much worse than the last. You can cast your vote for Most Annoying Couple at piolog.com/polls, or by scanning the printed QR codes with which we have absolutely littered campus. With your help, one couple will finally take their rightful place upon the Throne of Annoyance.