In our era of increasing partisanship, it can feel impossible to work, or even play, across the aisle. But rest assured! True love still conquers all. This week, we interview Lauren and Trevor, a couple from opposite ends of the political spectrum: Lauren is a self-described “#girlboss, moderate Democrat who primaried for Marianne Williamson” and Trevor, an independent who identified himself as “anti-system, anti-lib and pro-Trump.” The following interview has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.
Frankie Spurbeck (Pioneer Log correspondent): Thank you both so much for talking to me. How are you feeling today?
Lauren: Great, happy to be here! Just came from hot yoga, so my energies are (clicks tongue) aligned!
Trevor: Are you the only reporter available? They had to send a (slur)?
FS: Wow! Moving past that! I want to start at the very beginning. How did you two meet?
T: Oh, well this is actually a very funny story —
L: Oh, can I tell it?
T: Well, you tell your version of it, and then I can add whatever you forgot.
L: Ok, so, I work for the city in essential oil diffuser production, so I was at City Hall on Jan. 6, when I heard some shouting and chanting outside. So I glanced out my window and saw a mob out there with, like, stop the steal signs? And so I turned on OPB, and I heard about an attack on the capitol! And I thought, wow, this is historic! So I went and looked out my window. And then I saw Trevvie. He had one of those big American flags with the body of Rambo and Trump’s face on it, waving it around — and I just could not get him out of my head.
T: But I met her much later. If you can believe it, we met at Whole Foods. I work there. My coworkers are not, well, they aren’t my kind of people, but you take the job that pays, y’know? I would never go on welfare. Anyway, I was stocking one day when this little angel walks up to me, and says “Hey you, where do you keep the ginkgo Biloba?” And that was that.
FS: Wow, beautiful. Can you maybe tell me about your first date?
L: Oh my god, it was so funny, we just could not agree on where to eat, so we got takeout at two separate places.
T: And we ate it in the park, speaking of overfunded government agencies —
L: And we got to know each other! And we realized we have very little in common.
T: Yup! Even beyond the obvious Hillary Clinton disagreement.
L: Do not talk smack about Hillary, Trevor. I swear to God.
FS: Now, I know you would rather not talk politics, but is there anything in the political sphere that brings you two together?
T: (After a long pause) Neither of us have gotten our vaccine yet.
L: Oh, yeah, how could I forget!
T: Personally, I might not believe in COVID at all. I mean, who can I trust to tell me these things, now that Q is gone? And really, I’m not comfortable with political elites telling me what to put into my body … my body, my choice. Checkmate, libs!
L: Well, I have different reasons. My chiropractor is very anti-vaccine, and I tend to take her word on health stuff. So, until she gives me the all-clear, I can wait. It was a very rushed process, you know. Who knows what’s in those things? I take a lot of echinacea, so I feel pretty safe.
FS: (Clearly concerned) Interesting! Sadly, our time is almost up, but I have one last question! Do you have any advice for young couples like yourself, couples who the world might not want to see together?
L: Do not tell your friends, or your family, or your coworkers. They might not get it. And then you might be mocked mercilessly, and honestly, I do not think I could take that kind of emotional hit.
T: Walk softly and carry a big semi-automatic.
After the interview, the reporter fled the scene and is now seeking compensation for unsafe working conditions.
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