Karen upset with rubber bullets, opts for recyclables

The current protests have stirred up debate and have pushed society to reflect. In Portland, specifically, the use of force against protesters has brought up concerns regarding the safety and sustainability of such actions. 

Karen White, micromanager of an essential oil business and parental helicopter pilot, reached out to us for an interview, threatening to ask for the managing editor if we did not provide one. She feels that the police department has acted carelessly, and wants to expand her voice beyond her Facebook group, Amazing Creations, Art, Beauty (ACAB).

“I was going to a gender reveal party last week, and I found all these things on the ground,” White said. “I thought someone had dropped a bunch of CBD lip balm, but I just could not get one open. So I asked my daughter, Qaittelynne, (she is on the honor roll, you see) what she thought it was. And Qaittelynne, my daughter on the honor roll, said that they were rubber bullets. I was — well, I was just in awe.”

At this point, White sat down and huffed some oils to regain her composure before continuing. She went on to detail her 12-minute research session, culminating in her realization of how rubber bullets, dubbed “less-than-lethal munitions,” can cause serious harm.

“Rubber bullets are terrible for the environment,” White said. “Rubber can break and end up deep in the ecosystem. And they were everywhere, I can not imagine how they could shoot so many of them without even thinking about the consequences. What if my Pomeranian ate one? Can you imagine some innocent thing, a life, getting hurt because of all the craziness going on? It could just be minding its own business and … I do not want to think about it.” 

White offered essential oil dog treats to her Pomeranian, who had been yipping intermittently throughout the interview. It did not seem to help.

“I think the police have been setting a terrible example,” White said. “What if my son, Aèiyddânn sees all these bullets and thinks that littering is okay? Cleaning his room is a big ask as it is. We had to pull him from the tee-ball team after the school kept pushing their political views on vaccines.”

White expressed further concerns about how the rubber bullets might have an impact. She worries that the bullets, with their rubber coatings, might bounce if they are not aimed directly at their target, and potentially damage someone’s property.

The Porkland Police Department declined to comment on this matter, but White provides a solution.

“The most outrageous part is that under the rubber is metal,” White said. “So they could just remove the rubber and we’d have a totally recyclable bullet.”