New ravine bridge to lead to Terabithia

*The Backdoor is a work of fiction and humor

By Cassidy Harris

In a highly anticipated construction update released by the Facilities Department, the new bridge is set to lead across the Lewis & Clark ravine and into the fantastical world of Terabithia.

“Yeah, we’re really just putting in the finishing touches at this point,” Rob Stoneman, lead contractor on the site said. “You know, adding some logs, moss and some wind chimes to really make it feel real and magical. However, each new thing we include will add at least a month to the expected opening date, so don’t expect it to actually be open for at least another year or two.”

Abbey Douglass ’19 was given exclusive access to the new bridge and was the first to experience Terabithia.

“I walked across the bridge and it led to this enchanted forest. There were all of these beautiful creatures; fairies, trolls and a whole new mythical world. I was overwhelmed.”

A bystander who witnessed Douglass’ journey through the magical realm of Terabithia offered their outside perspective on the new bridge.

“I don’t know what Abbey’s talking about,” they said. “She walked to the edge of the ravine and started talking to a tree stump and making a snow angel in a pile of trash, muttering something about trolls and how ‘The Dark Master’ was watching her. There wasn’t even anything there. It’s imaginary.”

Despite Douglass’ enthusiastic endorsement of the bridge and the kingdom of Terabithia, the project is receiving negative reviews from the majority of the LC community.

“It’s just a bunch of branches and a rope swing to the other side of the creek,” Jared Humphrey ’21 said “This is what they’re waking us up at six in the morning with the sound of heavy machinery for?”

“It looks really dangerous,” Jess Aarons ’20 said. “That ravine is not something to mess with. Someone could fall in and drown, or something.”

“I don’t know why we can’t just have a normal, functional bridge already,” Chloe Black ’19 said. “Is there some magical fantasy world I can be transported to where I don’t have to pay $65,000 in tuition to walk the long way around campus in the pouring rain?”

The LC Facilities Department is encouraging everyone to keep open minds about the project and hopes students will learn to really experience the kingdom of Terabithia and all of its peculiar and fabled inhabitants.