Tiktok shop “Chamoy Pickle” recieves perfect praises, pleases palate 

Courtesy of Amazon.com

On the sixth day of creation, God made TikTok shop. And on this holy platform, Prometheus stole from the gods and gave to the humans … the fabled Chamoy Pickle.

Enshrined in TikTok scripture is this holy object: a red Big Tex Chamoy Pickle wrapped in a Fruit Roll-Up, filled with Gushers, Salsaghetti, more Chamoy, Lucas Powder Mango and Takis. This succulent delight is more Red 40 than it is vegetable and has terrorized TikTok since as early as the end of 2022.

The masses are divided as to whether this treat is remotely enjoyable or not, as only the most sophisticated of palates can handle the steez.

As seasoned journalists, we, a team of Olivias, featuring Olivia Fendrich ’27 and Larios ’27, felt a responsibility to mankind to investigate the sacred experience of assembling and consuming one such Chamoy Pickle kit. So after TikTok Shop generously gave us 77% off for some reason, we secured ourselves a beefy red gourd with little to no nutritional value.

On the fateful day we tried this, we set up multiple iPhone recordings to capture the majesty of this experience. Our friends egged us on as we dove head-first into this delectable sensory adventure.

We began the process of putting together this atrocity/blessing by unpacking the pickle. It was sleeved in a bag of bright red juice and tasted like, you guessed it, a pickle.

“It’s huge,” said Serena Claggett ’27, our roommate.

We began by scooping the interior pickle flesh out of the exoskeleton, aka, the skin. We inserted a spoon and scraped out the center of the pickle while our friends took turns drinking from the bag of entrails. For reference, Larios likens this bag to a womb.

We tried the mound of flesh we’d scooped out. “The pickle itself is not spicy, it just has a ton of Red 40,” we said, referring to the commonplace food dye. The Chamoy Pickle just so happens to be chock-full of this compound.

We tore open the bag of Takis with elation.

Larios plunged the Takis into the tender flesh of the pickle and unpacked the Gushers, too. She then disrobed the bottle of Lucas Gusano Chamoy, a lightly spicy liquid candy that had our white friends wishing they were born in Oaxaca.

Next was the Salsaghetti, a sugary confection whose straw-like structure added luxurious volume to the pickle.

“It tastes like salsa?” asked our witness and friend Nea Hochman ’27.

“Nah,” said we in response. “It’s Mexican candy. It’s spicy and gummy.”

After the pickle was sufficiently stuffed, dusted and drizzled, we unrolled the finishing touch: a hefty swath of Fruit Roll-Up.

Importantly, our friends were astonished at the sight of this bulging behemoth.

“You guys act like you’ve never seen this,” we said to the group, referring to the myriad TikToks made on the brined Chamoy ensemble.

“I haven’t,” our friends said in unison. Those hags must have been lying. 

At last, the pickle was fashioned into its final form. Larios looked at our creation with delirium. One big step for mankind was taken as we lifted the object to her mouth.

“This is so big of us, I’m so proud of us,” Claggett said.

After several seconds of chewing, Larios reached a verdict; it was kind of fire. But definitely a lot going on. Larios voiced this opinion to the group.

“Well yeah,” Virginia Pereira ’27, our other roommate, said.

Larios decided that the Gushers were too much, giving the pickle an overly chewy texture. Indeed, the gummy texture was mildly overwhelming. 

“It’s not that spicy, so if you don’t like spice, you’re good,” Larios said. At this point, our friend group had gathered around, watching Larios review the pickle. 

Larios went in for a second bite, sucking in the juice as she bit down. 

“I feel like I would get a mouth ulcer from this,” Hochman said.

Then, we offered the pickle to the group, inviting our friends to taste it.

“It’s kinda good,” Claggett said after chewing a mouthful. “The crunch with the chew and the sweet and the really salty. That’s fire.”

Pereira scrutinized the small serving sizes of the pickle’s components. “I wish there was more Fruit Roll-Up,” she said.

Our friend, Grace Bischoff ’27 was the next to take the plunge … or bite. 

“It’s an interesting flavor profile. There’s so much going on. There’s sweet, there’s salty, there’s a little spicy,” she said.

Hochman was critical of the Takis, stating that they did not benefit from the flavor. Claggett and Bishoff pointed out that the Takis added a layer of crunch to the bite and improved the sensory experience.

Then, Fendrich took a turn chomping down on the decadent gourd. Unsurprisingly, it was a meld of original flavors unlike any other known culinary experience.

We, Larios and Fendrich, ultimately enjoyed this delectable treat. We wholly endorse the consumption of this food item in reasonable quantities. If anything, you might get a funny Instagram Story out of it.

And thus concluded the taste test.

We recommend the Chamoy Pickle kit to any friend group in need of a pungent snack. If it is your first TikTok Shop purchase, you can get close to 80% off, making the cost of this treat insignificant compared to the fun it provides. A pickle by any other name would taste just as sweet.

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