Be your own Barbie girl, in a Backdoor world

By Emma Ford

We all know one of the most popular categories of costume this year is going to be Barbie. But if Barbie can be anything, what kind of stereotype-smashing, feminist icon (or, depending on who you ask, sexualized glorification of rampant consumerism) fashion doll should you be? Using our 100% scientific, Buzzfeed-certified quiz, come find out what kind of Barbie girl you are.

What do you carry your school supplies in?

A) Purse/shoulder bag

B) Tote bag

C) Backpack

D) My grubby little hands

Where do you prefer to study?

A) Outside 

B) Watzek

C) My dorm

D) At my on-campus job

What dietary restriction do you have?

A) Lactose intolerance

B) Gluten-free

C) Nothing?

D) Vegetarian/vegan

What is your major?

A) Sciences

B) Humanities

C) Fine arts

D) Undeclared

Stereotypical Barbie (ABCD): You are That Girl—you have the skin care on lock, the laptop case that matches your pencil bag and a tastefully decorated dorm room. Your notes are color-coordinated and aesthetically pleasing and your hair is always properly Olaplexed. You are what we think of when we think of “girl.” If anyone is going to live up to Margot Robbie, it might just be you.

Doctor Barbie (CBBA): A slightly more driven and bookish That Girl—and with a few extra issues. You would never end up a marketing executive or dental hygienist—you have drive! And possibly some mommy issues! Have no fear, everyone is super impressed with you and your caffeine addiction. So long as you keep being spectacular and sleep deprived, even in your Halloween costume.

President Barbie (ACAB): Our resident PoliSci major has arrived. Your laptop still bears a womens’ march sticker and digital drawing of RBG, and your Instagram story is still a classy 60% infographics. You have never truly stopped being With Her. And we can all smell the Hamilton phase on you. Just be careful not to try to look TOO much like Issa Rae, Madam President! Careful with that bronzer!

Writer/Physicist/Lawyer Barbie (BBCB): Sorry to say that you are not That Girl. You are simply, well, boring. Just dress preppy and girly and pick a high-paying, cubicled, un-costumable career. And explain it to EVERY SINGLE PERSON you meet.

Malibu Barbie (BACD): You are from California, but Southern California. (Be ready to be tarred and feathered by Bay Area mobs.) You probably should have bitten the bullet and gone to UC Santa Barbara even though they did not have the same financial aid package. Bust out the bikini and shorts and freeze your ass off, sweetie!

Mojo Dojo Casa House Barbie (ADAD): Just say you want to dress in a sexy maid outfit and go. 

College Outdoors Barbie (CADA): You make Patagonia hot, and make all of us somewhat okay with paying $100 to eat freeze dried chili and not shower for a weekend. Lean into that, and bust out as much pink flannel as you can find. It should not be hard as most outdoor companies make all their “women’s gear” that weird magenta color. 

Alternative Barbie (ACDC): You are not like other Barbies, but it is so not cool to put down symbols of femininity anymore. Find some pastel bondage gear and really lean into the campiness, but also be hot. And if your costume pieces come from Dolls Kill, I promise not to tell.

Weird Barbie (DCCC): You REALLY are not like other Barbies. Or you are gay enough to find Kate Mckinnon attractive. And you smell like basement. This is an easy costume to thrift, but with midterms we both know you will buy that cheap plastic version from Spirit Halloween. 

Hippie Barbie (CBDA): Not to be confused with College Outdoors Barbie, you like tarot and mushrooms better than trail mix and mountains. Your room smells more like an ashtray than activewear. And you will definitely be in high spirits all of Halloweekend, as though the little friend you keep in your pocket does not have you in a similar space every single other day. No judgment darling, but it is not the paranoia talking—we can all tell.

Ken (DCCD): You are just Ken. And you are, say it with me, Kenough. 

If your  quiz answers all fail to match up with anything listed above, we are not sure what to tell you. Maybe go as a bedsheet ghost, or Oppenheimer, provided you have the cheekbones. Happy Halloween!

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