Our student email addresses (@lclark.edu domain for the win) provide us with access to so many varied internet services. From official Google applications to academic databases to any sketchy site that allows you to sign in via Google, being able to properly use your student email account is imperative. For all you technologically challenged social science, arts and humanities students, we hope you get good use out of this guide.
Username Not Recognized
Remember that many @lclark.edu email addresses have two versions! One uses your randomly generated lc2_-____ user ID, and the other uses your name. If you have only tried one version, now it is time to try the other.
Domain Not Recognized
Make sure you have not left an “l” or maybe the “r” out of “lclark” – and that you did not switch out the “.edu” for “.com”.
Your Username Does Not Exist
There is no record of you here. Are you sure you have been here before? Was it just a dream? Or are you dreaming now? Pinch yourself and make sure that you are real.
Aw honey, you probably made a mistake or typo. We all do that sometimes, it is alright! Delete and type again slowly.
You idiot. You failure. You disgrace. I cannot believe you were so stupid as to make a typo in your password. This is the WORST crime you could have possibly committed against good typing and our software. I hope you die. Type it again, and try not to disappoint me again.
Password Not Recognized
Your typos were so egregious that we are not sure what you meant to type.
No, Try Again
It has been a few tries. Seems like you are having some real trouble, but that is fine and we will work through this.
Yeah, Not That Either
OK, so, still not working. Sure, you might be getting closer, but it should not be this hard. You log into things every day! Keep trying.
typeException: Expected type ‘float’ but got ‘Null’ at line 196 in verifyCredentials()
Someone seriously messed up while coding your sign-in function. I do not know what you can do about it from the login window itself. You could cry? That is probably something the programmer did.
Error – Please Wait A Few Minutes and Try Again
It is still a little too short a time since the last time you tried, and the login window has a longer refractory period than you do. Please be patient, and see if you can entertain yourself until it is ready for another round. And no, it is not something you are doing wrong.
Please check the alignment of your computer. If not facing East, please rotate your computer and try again.
Invalid passkey for RSA handshake.
Your passkey went into the wrong handshake. Re-insert and TRY AGAIN.
Look, your login window is not homophobic. Can you just pick something simple, or at least not shove it in everyone’s face? This woke password business has gone too far!
Your login window is disgusted by its fellow login windows, and wants to take this chance to remind you that you are valid and loved. Your password was fine, just like you, so go ahead and re-submit the form, queen.
Your Outfit Clashes
Fill out the CAPTCHA, selecting complementary patterns and colors. Otherwise, you are not getting in.
Mercury Is In Retrograde
The planets are not aligned for you to check your email today. Our sincere apologies for the inconvenience, please take it up with the firmament.
Password Incorrect – Reset Here
Alright, that is enough. Just reset to one of the three passwords you keep on rotation, and try to remember it this time, okay toots?