Media portrayals of sex often complex, unrealistic

I remember in the 9th grade how badly I wanted to have sex. I had just started watching “Grey’s Anatomy” and I fell in love with Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd’s love affair. I was convinced that even though the actors were not actually having sex, the sex scenes in the show were representative of what sex was like in real life. Fun fact: I could not have been more wrong. While sex scenes in cinema and television shows can be appealing to the eye, dangerous expectations are likely to develop for viewers.

From personal experience, I can tell you that the first time I had sex was nothing like what they show in the movies. Contrary to most cinematic portrayals, sex is messy. It can be awkward. It can be painful. It can be weird. You are very vulnerable. It is unchoreographed and it is not always pleasurable. Upon this realization, I felt like the movies and TV shows I had watched betrayed me since the scenes I had idealized were inconsistent with my first time. 

One unrealistic feature of cinematic sex scenes that has been replicated time and time again is the implication that vaginal sex (often between a man and a woman) is always pleasurable for the woman. An article published from the U.S. National Library of Medicine in 2016 stated that only 6% of women reported they always climax during vaginal sex. With this information, it is clear that Hollywood directors and producers neglect the reality of women’s sexual pleasure and instead fabricate their pleasure in order to stimulate the imaginations of audience members, and more specifically, the egos of male spectators. 

Speaking of male spectators, sex scenes have long catered to invigorating the male gaze, a theory developed by film theorist Laura Mulvey. Despite the fact that the male gaze has been heavily criticized in cinema, little has been done to dismantle it. According to The Guardian, female nudity is three times more likely to appear in Hollywood films than male nudity. This fact reflects how the female body continues to be an emblem of hypersexualization whose purpose is to contribute to male-centric sexual fantasies that are purported on the big screen. While Hollywood is characterized as a progressive establishment, one that champions and accomplishes liberal activism, it has not yet made the eroticization of women’s bodies and sexualities a primary concern.

The heteronormative agenda of sex scenes suggests that penises are the sole source of sexual stimulation for women, but this is far from the truth. According to Statista.com, nearly 80% of American women own vibrators, whether they be single, married or coupled. With nearly every American household having some sort of sex toy, why do they rarely make an appearance in sex scenes? 

I have a theory. Because cinema has historically been targeted towards male audience members, seeing vibrators in lieu of penises on the big screen threatens male viewers’ machismo and virility, and subsequently shrinks their confidence. Given that Hollywood is largely occupied by powerful straight men, this rather comedic fear is unsurprising. Yet, one must wonder if vibrators and other sex toys were included in sex scenes, to what degree would sex scenes remain predominantly heteronormative and continue portraying women being dependent on the phallus for sexual pleasure.  

Despite the consequences of sex scenes in movies, the pros should not be outright dismissed. With the growing number of LGBTQ+ shows and movies being produced, sex scenes in these films work to destigmatize LGBTQ+ relationships and intimacy as “other.” Such scenes have also proved liberating for the actors. Kate Winslet, in an interview discussing her latest film “Ammonite,” revealed how her sex scene with actress Saoirse Ronan was “very different” from a heterosexual sex scene and she “just felt really safe.” I saw the film myself, and the raw emotions in substitution of the male gaze in this scene made it a scene of beauty rather than belittlement. Shockingly, the film was directed by Francis Lee, a widely acclaimed male director who is now representative of how male directors can, indeed, direct scenes where festishization and debasement is deemed purposeless. Regardless of who is portrayed in the sex scene, there is debate about when a sex scene is necessary or gratuitious. I would say a sex scene is appropriate if the context gives rise to it and the filming of the scene is free of subjection and patriarchal notions of the female body. Yet, given that this standard is largely absent in behind-the-scenes work, the film and television industries still have a long way to go.