Democrats do everything to block Barrett confirmation, except what would have worked

An illustrated Amy Coney Barrett in her justice robes has scribbles over her, giving her a mustache, horns, pitchfork and general formidable demeanor.
Illustration by Amelia Madarang

Amy Coney Barrett was recently inaugurated as an associate justice of the Supreme Court despite the Democratic Party’s best efforts. The U.S. Senate has many tools for one party to bring the entire political process to a halt, such as leveraging a government shutdown to completely stop the Senate from being able to vote. When asked about whether they intended to use this option, Nancy Pelosi looked me dead in the eyes and uttered “Get out the vote,” and threw up a Wakanda salute “Ruthkanda forever!” When asked to elaborate, she froze, opened her mouth and the Windows’ bootup sound played before she walked straight into a wall. 

One tactic that the Democratic National Committee (DNC) did attempt was sending a letter to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and asking, “Pretty please don’t let Trump choose a justice before Biden wins the election.” To everyone’s surprise this did not work, even after the DNC promised to put a cherry on top of that promise.

The DNC then put out a statement calling him a stupid little hypocrite on Twitter while McConnell laughed shouting, “I don’t know who this Roe fella is but he’s outta here!” 

When I asked him why he blocked former President Barack Obama from being able to appoint a justice, but allowed Trump to do so only weeks before the election, he flipped me the bird and shouted “Aren’t you that loser who peed himself in his poli sci class? I don’t care about democracy you little pissbaby! Go back to your dumb liberal arts school and pretend your vote actually matters.” This made me cry profusely, as I was indeed that loser who pissed himself in his political science class. 

It seems like the reason for this nomination to be pushed so hard was to help President Doanld Trump steal the election. After Joe Biden (Biden more like byedon am I right fellow white liberals?) handily won, Trump threw a fit on Twitter that was very funny, but also very concerning. This move to add Amy Coney Barret was his way of attempting to secure his own election using undemocratic means. When White House reporters went to ask him about this he started talking about how much he hated and how much he wanted to kiss both his female and male supporters. Trump then decided to describe in graphic detail the funniest story he ever heard about this kid he heard about who pissed himself in his poli sci class while his professor clapped and called him a dumb goblin boy; when I learned that Trump talked about about this let me tell you I was not a happy camper.

During Barett’s confirmation, Sen. Dianne Feinstein asked the future associate justice ruthless, hard hitting questions to show the American people that Barett was not prepared for the job. One of the questions that left her stumped was “What are the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment?” Barett was not able to list the last freedom in the First Amendment. After she was told that it was the freedom to protest (something she is sure to forget many times during her career as an associate justice), Feinstein capitalized on the situation, telling Barett that she was just so smart for getting four out of five right. She then left the podium to give her a sticker that depicted a chicken playing the guitar with the tagline, “You rocked it!”

They grilled her on many aspects of the law after this too: individual rights, a person’s right to an abortion, how rich someone needs to be to get away with murdering a certain rich pedophile who could have indicted them. You know, just the usual stuff.

Many Democrats are extremely worried about an inexperienced far-right judge being admitted to the Supreme Court, and therefore are asking if Joe Biden is going to pack the court if he is elected. The Biden campaign refused to comment, telling voters to wait until after he is elected to get his opinion on court packing (this is not a bit, he actually said this). He then gave a wink and said, “Go out and vote!” 

I would have reminded Biden that he was already the president-elect, but I do not believe that he knew where he was. It seems like all the steroids that were being used to prop up half dead politicians were used up by the Trump administration. He was able to articulate a few things though, like that time he heard of that little goblin boy from a poli sci class that pissed himself who then cried like a little baby. Hearing this from the man who would soon be the president made me very upset, and I promise I was not crying there was just a cat in the room or something and I am allergic to them. 

The one thing that Democrats were able to keep by taking the moral high ground during the inauguration process, ended up being whatever scraps are left of American democratic norms after the Trump presidency. I assume this is actually more important than being able to keep control of the Supreme Court and uphold Roe v. Wade and our democracy, I am just not sure how yet.

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