Vim becomes first “living person” to haunt Palatine Hill residents

A spectral Vim haunts students with face masks
Illustration by Amelia Madarang

You find yourself walking back home from the library late at night. The frosty October air fills your lungs as you walk along the lamp-lit cobblestone path. You have done this walk thousands of times, but never this late. Something is off about tonight. There might be something in the air or it might just be the guilt you feel for cheating on your take-home midterm. You eventually find yourself next to the Frank Manor House, but the vibes are rancid. 

Then suddenly you hear a whisper, “You should come to my house for Thanksgiving oooooh.” You turn quickly but you do not see whatever whispered at you. You turn back and begin walking faster when you hear another whisper, “I am going to raise your tuition by another 10% during a pandemic oooooh.” You are running now, suddenly you see a balding scrooge-like man out of the corner of your eye. You trip and fall and when you stand up he is gone, and you wonder to yourself could it have been a dream?

Well, it most definitely was not a dream. If this or something similar has happened to you, you are one of the many students who have reported Vim sightings on campus. When Vim is fed after midnight he has a habit of going out late at night and trying to convince students that putting more money into the garden and reflecting pool (that is not filled for a majority of the year) instead of into academics is actually a good investment. He is known for stalking students, and when he eventually catches them he raises their tuition by 20%. 

A new student organization on campus, The Vim Visual Appearance Project (VVAP), is dedicated to finding and reporting on Vim sightings around campus. VVAP believes that he is haunting the campus in place of the normal ghosts who were forcibly removed from campus for not following social distancing guidelines. They say that there have been upwards of 12 sightings of Vim around campus since the semester started, and they only expect those sightings to go up throughout the year. 

According to VVAP, students have reported seeing him from the manor house to outside their dorm windows. He will knock on your window and ask to come inside, but never under any circumstances invite him in. The only thing keeping him from you is the card scanner that is still not fixed to the door. They advise students that, when encountering him outside your window, the best way to get him to leave is by promising to donate to the college after you graduate, then chanting “WeB4Me” before shutting the blinds and crawling into the fetal position under your covers. 

Remember to stay safe out there, Pios. You never truly know when Vim will appear again. Just make sure to keep an eye out going past the manor house late at night.

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