By Leslie Muir
In honor of No-Shave November, here’s a list of Netflix’s finest offerings starring men with exceptional facial hair. Snuggle up to that stubbly someone and get a cut of the action with these hirsute flicks.
1) “Mansome” (2012):
When actual tears are shed over the shaving of a mustache, you know that this documentary takes its facial hair seriously. This Morgan Spurlock production asks some of the most beard-gifted comedians the age-old question: does the mustache make the man? From comedic interviews to exposes of men grappling with their hairy appearance, to Jason Bateman and Will Arnett in bathrobes having “real talk” while getting pedicures, this film does a goofy yet satisfying job of tackling what it means to be a hairy man in today’s society.
Beard Quality: A Set of Bushy Sideburns.
2) “Manson Family Vacation” (2015):
In a movie that wishes to leave you sympathizing with the Manson Family cult, one at least gets to witness a lot of the look sported by Charles Manson himself, or what can be affectionately called, “the Charlie”. This odd comedy/family drama/Manson Family propaganda piece is at times entertaining and at times a little too hard to swallow, despite the strong showing of facial hair throughout the film. The emotionally charged shaving scene mid-way through will leave you on the edge of your seat.
Beard Quality: It is what it is, “the Charlie.”
3) “Robinson Crusoe” (1997):
I guarantee you that that attempting to say the phrase, “Pierce Brosnan with a Scottish accent and a beard” in your own best Scottish brogue will be more fun than actually paying attention to this movie. However, stick with it for the beard and you won’t be overly disappointed. Brosnan still looks like a model even with shaggy, mangy castaway hair hanging off of him. Unfortunately, there is little other reason to watch this rather lackluster rendition of the classic novel.
Beard quality: A Frenchman’s mustache.
4) “Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story” (2009):
Before there was Donald Trump, or Jeb Bush, or the republican presidential nomination campaign, there was neurosurgeon, Ben Carson. In a move that couldn’t have foreshadowed a future presidential bid any better than if it was titled, “Benny C for ‘Prez,’” this biographic film chronicles his life from beardless, to mustache, to the facial hair he sports today. This flick is exactly as heartwarming, inspirational, poorly acted and pandering to the middle age conservative vote as you already believe it to be. If nothing else, Cuba Gooding Jr. sports a mighty fine chin covering while portraying the Good Doctor’s later years. If you find yourself watching Youtube videos of Republican debates just to catch a glimpse of Benny C’s silver-streaked facial hair, consider this an alternative.
Beard Quality: Patchy Teenage Boy.
5) “Ai Weiwei: The Fake Case” (2013):
There is nothing ‘shorn’ about the sheer artistic bravery this lusciously bewhiskered man has. This documentary is the latest film to report on his political activism through social media and artistic work that got artist, Ai Wei Wei, imprisoned in a Chinese jail for 81 days of solitary confinement. His beard fluctuates in length with the ups and downs of his legal battle and the changing conditions of his continuing house arrest. As a documentary, it’s the best portrayal of an artist since “Exit through the Gift Shop.” It’s such a good film that you become completely absorbed and almost forget the real reason you turned it on: for the beard, of course!
Beard Quality: Full on Mountain Man.
6) “Nature: Mystery Monkeys of Shangri-La” (2015):
Besides goats (which there are surprisingly few documentaries on), monkeys are the most lusciously bearded animals to majestically roam this earth. Some primates have naturally grown mustaches and goatees, while others are just big balls of fluffy facial hair that never quit. This documentary captures footage of the allusive and adorable monkeys living in some of the highest altitude forests in the world. Don’t be saddened by the friendly group of completely shaven monks who lead the cameramen to the where the monkeys are; the cows they bring with them are sporting some fine bovine facial hair that will more than make up for the loss.
Beard Quality: A Fluffy Neck Beard.
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