The administration’s new protest policy has been met with distaste, confusion and pushback amongst students in the past few weeks. In an effort to appease the students and spend less time having to enforce the policy, the administration has provided us with an expanded list of acceptable forms of protest to share with the student body.
Set up a single tent in the President’s parking spot.
Set up a single tent at the President’s usual coffee shop.
Set up a single tent at the President’s gynecologist’s office.
Chant vociferations that do not exceed 35 decibels.
Hand out zines during the rush between classes from the corner of the stairwell in J.R. Howard, so as not to disrupt or impede the flow of traffic.
Stage a love-in at the Troom while leaving enough room for a mid-sized crowd on a decent Bon night.
Write an anonymous love letter to your professor on Rate My Professors.
Carry a Build-A-Bear dressed in symbolic clothing (ideograms, acronyms, Che Guevara t-shirt).
Report “Admin” to Community Acronym Creation Kommittee (CACK).
Serenade the VPSL, ’90s R&B style.
Engage in malicious compliance with Campus Safety (i.e. when asked for all the weed in your dorm, empty your ashtray into their gloved hands).
Call your mom. She misses you.
Self-immolate while ensuring all fire exits and modes of egress are clear so people may safely move away from you.
Lace vegan leather combat boots with red ladder laces.
Reply all to an email the Dean of Students sent to your entire year.
Throw gluten-friendly donut holes at Campo officers.
Stage a performance art installation (receive head on the PoliSci couch).
Flip off your RA. That 19-year-old art major is part of the system.
Take CompSci 103 and learn to code a bot that emails the VPSL every 6 hours with the mascot suggestion “Balls?”
Post an Instagram story hitting your roommate’s mango Geek Bar.
Take a Gender Studies class and then confidently call a girl a slut during sex.
Snort purified sertraline off a Malcom Gladwell book in Watzek.
Throw a Beatles rave but exclude The White Album (in solidarity).
Host a symposium planning meeting with the only agenda item being “What should this be about? Racism?”
Cropdust tour groups around campus in defiance of academia and classism.
Celebrate Bisexual Visibility Day by being publicly attracted to both straight and gay men.
Watch one (1) episode of Dear White People (“I get it now!”).
Pay the student media fee.
Pay full price for LC merch and then run over a pile of it in your best friend’s car.
Leave a BlueRA review of your professor who drives a 1995 Dodge Dart calling them “a jack-booted thug of the (sic) boirgeoizie”
Accuse a girl who does not want to sleep with you (f19) of internalized biphobia and post a photo on your private story of you crying to the song “Good Luck, Babe.”
Full doxx somebody.
Start a food fight and donate all waste to local soup kitchens.
Use CBD cigarettes and grilled cheese scraps from the Bon to Pavlov campus squirrels into class consciousness, unionization and revolution.
Occupy a study room in Watzek and when someone who booked it comes to kick you out, exercise your right as an Oregonian to Stand Your Ground.
Note: this list is non-exhaustive and may be updated at any time. Protest is subjective, and it will be decided on a case-by-case basis whether or not we choose to enforce any of this at all.
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