Section update: Op-Eds get sapphic substitution

Illustration of a rose
By Emma Ford

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all printed journalistic publications are in desperate need of two things — readership and budget. Recent years have seen the end of many storied news organizations who have been unable to adjust to changing landscapes and consumer demands. Print media may be a dying form, but we here at the Mossy Log are determined not to fall prey to such dreadful circumstances. Thus, we have come to the conclusion that changes must be made for the preservation of student journalism at Lewis & Clark.

Many options were considered for this shift, including the hiring of new writers, budgetary reallocations and encouraging the Reed Quest to start printing their paper to make us look better in comparison. However, we quickly came to the realization that many before us have come to: Sex sells. In light of this new understanding, we have decided to make several minor tweaks.

As of this semester, our Opinions section will unfortunately be shuttered. Due to concerns of heightened controversies on campus and growing sapphic strife, we found the section to no longer be compatible with our vision for the new era of the Mossy Log. Accordingly, pages four and five of all further issues will contain our newest section — amateur lesbian erotica.

Any writing referencing the sapphic symbolism of supple strawberries, exploring the erotic potential of prolonged eye contact or in any way detailing a little girl-on-girl action is encouraged to be submitted to The Mossy Log on our website. Interested applicants must share their favorite queer flower and 200 words on the lesbian overtones of a Dickinson poem to be considered. 

Alternate application supplements include the title to a Subaru Outback (in your father’s name), an unsent love poem (including the burned corner from your half-assed attempt to destroy it) or photographs showing that you have two ex-girlfriends that look nearly identical.

In accordance with the shift in content, several new positions are coming out on the staff. We are hiring two Erotica section editors, as well as a dedicated staff writer for the section. While discussions were held over whether or not the current Opinion editors should be kept on, we decided to move them to help out News because everyone thinks News is our opinions anyways. 

The application process is set to open Feb. 19. To apply, please email the Mossy Log with a resume, cover letter, Wattpad or Archive of Our Own account (we know you have one), and any other writing samples you would like to be considered. Tumblr free verse poems will be given special consideration, because if you are still lurking in that cesspool, well, you earned it.  Due to the urgency of this hiring process, applications will close on Feb. 22 and decisions will be announced by Feb. 24.

Duties of the section editors will include pitching articles (with great care not to violate Title IX), sourcing writers (anonymity will not be offered — own that shit!) and removing any references to swords, lances, rigid members or any other terms that are likely to cause vomiting. Please, this is not Twilight fanfiction. Be classy.

The staff writer will be responsible for maintaining sufficiently diverse fantasies to properly serve the LC community through their writing, and will be responsible for six articles throughout the semester, two soft-core, two Bondage Domination Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) and two period pieces.

We here at The Mossy Log are excited to explore this new direction, and will be evaluating the performance of this section closely. Contingent on the its success, we will consider shifting our Features section as well, printed on pages 7 and 8 in full color, to a more visual display. Further details on this will be provided at such time as the change is deemed appropriate.

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