Writer offers valuable tips to help you integrate back into the non-LC world such as steal, lie to mom
It feels like just yesterday was the sunny August day when you arrived on campus, Blu Tack-ed your niche band posters up in your unairconditioned dorm room, and waved your parents goodbye. But the weeks and months have come and gone and it seems the end of the semester is finally upon us.
As excited as most of us are to be almost through with coursework, there is another looming fear hanging over liberal arts students everywhere: Will I still be able to fit in back home after all my time surrounded by Carhartt-clad vegans with dyed hair, pronouns and communist inclinations?
Fear not – there are ways to make your time at home more tolerable, possibly even fun. Just adhere to some basic guidelines and remember some key tips, all conveniently in print (and online at piolog.com, but we are working on it). Here is The Mossy Log’s official guide to surviving winter break back home!
Meeting new people
Over the holidays, you will likely be dragged to family gatherings and social engagements.
Your mom has a friend who has a son right around your age. He is studying business at a prestigious university and we are all very proud of him. Try not to make direct eye contact, he may find this threatening. College football is a comfortable area for him. Remember: Our team is called The Pioneers and had a pretty good season, roll pios!
You may also have to introduce yourself to adults curious about the 21st century college experience. Keep it positive, keep it brief and lie about your major. Just for the rush of it.
Spending time with family
Most students cite seeing their families as one of the biggest anxiety provoking parts of visiting home. There are ways to make it more comfortable to spend quality time with them.
Flip that septum piercing up, queen! There is no room for self-expression at the holiday table.
Got siblings? Compare the drugs you have taken in each other’s absence.
Check in with your pets. Ask them how they feel about the midterm election results and the changing landscape of American news media.
Do not tell your parents about your theater minor. Give them the gift of blissful ignorance this holiday season.
Catch up with high school friends
Take this opportunity to spend time with your old friends. Pretend you love their new tattoos, just as they will pretend to love your drunkenly-done stick ‘n’ poke that “just needs a touch up.”
You spend all your time in college telling people how much you miss your friends from home. For symmetry’s sake, tell your high school friends how much you miss your college friends. They will love that.
Tell them all your Lewis & Clark friend group gossip. Camille said what about Lauren’s situationship? You may have been sworn to secrecy, but who would they tell?
Pick one random friend and ghost them. Nothing matters.
Explore your hometown
Visit places in your hometown that you have yet to see. Smoke in different public parks than you did in high school.
Engage with local businesses in your community. See where your fake ID works and which stores have increased anti-theft security (note: this is a challenge).
Embrace your entrepreneurial spirit! Sell cigarettes to high school students.
There you have it. Remember: everything will be fine. Everything will be fine! Happy Holidays, from all of us at The Backdoor. Tell your mom I say hi.
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