THE BACKDOOR was made aware of an anonymous student on campus needing to vent about their deepest, darkest shame — their father is a police officer. Now, we at the Backdoor are not the school’s counseling services, but with the knowledge that said services are typically considered lacking by the student body, we decided to do our best to provide peer support in exchange for a brief interview.
Also, honestly, we thought it would be hilarious.
Ford: So, how long has your parent been involved with your hometown police force?
Anonymous Cautious Academic Being (ACAB): My whole life. I never used to think anything of it — he would come to my elementary school and let kids play on the squad car. It was just like any other job.
Ford: And now it is no longer something you feel comfortable making public?
ACAB: No. I had a falling out with one of my best friends when I said I back the blue — and it didn’t matter to them that “the blue” is literally my own father.
Ford: You say you back the blue. You back all police officers?
ACAB: Obviously they are not all perfect. But they never gave me any trouble! I once got pulled over for speeding and the officer let me off with a warning, and I don’t even think she knew my dad that well. She had only been over to our house a few times.
Ford: I completely understand. In light of recent shifts in perception of police, do you feel your perception of your father has shifted?
ACAB: Not at all. He is my dad. I know that he has never made a random stop that was anything other than random. He is one of those people that does not see color! Like one time, he was called to a school over a young Black boy who was having a meltdown, and he put him in a restraining hold just like he would with my brother at home. He treated him like family! That is what police ought to be like. I just wish my friends were more accepting, like they claim to be. So much for the tolerant left.
We at the Backdoor were deeply interested, and pursued an interview with the student’s father. Luckily, on his state-mandated donut and Reddit break, the father had time for us. He also asked to remain anonymous. However, it was not out of concern for his child.
Ford: Would you be able to repeat what you just said now that I am recording?
Police Inspector General (PIG): Yeah, I do not want my squad finding out I let my kid go to a libtard arts school.
Ford: Why would that be?
PIG: Are you stupid? All their kids went to state schools, or better yet, found honest work. My kid is making me spend thousands of my hard-earned dollars to come home with blue hair and pronouns. It is going to make them soft! I do not even know what they do all day — eat tofu? Study critical race theory? It is humiliating!
Ford: Did you always feel this way?
PIG: No! People used to respect the uniform. I never would have liked this, but at least you liberal elites used to pretend to respect us. Now, you score points off the backs of hard-working Americans and strip away our power against the thugs and criminals I deal with every day. And that is not why I became a cop!
Ford: Why did you become a cop?
PIG: … Um, to … help people. Yeah, that sounds right.
Of course, part of college is being exposed to new views, but what we can all take away from a situation like this is sometimes, being exposed to those viewpoints helps to strengthen your own for the better. The Backdoor is thrilled to report that this student has been put in contact with proper help, and will be continuing to keep their cop lineage where it belongs — to themselves.