Supporting the sexiled: A closer look inside the LC incel epidemic

The surplus of students at Lewis & Clark this year has posed countless challenges to our community. Not only are the lines at Field Dining Hall long and the parking scarce, but students are being crammed into makeshift triples and quads. The unfortunate truth of this new dorm living situation is that many have found themselves wandering into the darkness toward nowhere in particular, wondering if they will ever be allowed back into their communal home. This provokes the question that keeps many up at night: What is one to do when they are sexiled?

The banished incels of LC, lacking an answer to this question, have taken to the streets. I spoke with an anonymous student from the class of 2024 about their perspective on this issue. 

“There’s nothing else for us to do. Every night I find myself sitting under the flickering lights of the common room, falling asleep to the faint creaking of my roommate getting more action than I could ever dream of. It’s time to fight. It’s time to stand up as proud incels and take down the Chads, Staceys, and They-ceys of our school.”

Given this moving and all too prevalent tale, it is no wonder that some touch-deprived students have taken action. Last Friday, a protest was staged outside the Feminist Student Union (FSU) office. Armed with signs reading “Give me sexual viability or give me death,” the frustrated and neglected stormed the FSU table. These frequently-sexiled individuals decimated the free condoms offered and then broke into the main office to consume all of the free Plan B. After the contraceptive was neutralized, the incels returned to their respective dorms only to find socks still on their doors.

To combat their loneliness, a small group of sexileds created a club this past Monday. It quickly combusted, though, as femcels shed their title and their clothes to begin pairing off. Unfortunately, a few were still left both without homes to return to and without fellow incels. Their rage, if left unchecked, could destroy any number of sex-positive groups or people on campus next. 

We must offer options for our poor ousted peers if we want to avoid future uprisings. So, where can the sexiled go to escape the pain? Couple-magnets like Maggie’s are out of the question as droves of lovebirds sit around, flaunting their fulfillment. 

The Bon could be a sound alternative to fill the hole left by a lack of hole. It certainly is not a sexy spot to bring a potential date and helps the bang-banished forget so long as they do not dwell on the hall’s name. After finishing a lovely lone-Bon, there is always the Pio Shuttle. If poor incels really need to stay gone for a while, an excellent strategy is getting on the Pio and never getting off. By the time it completes its full loop, there is a solid chance their roommates will be done with their rides as well. 

Keep an eye out for updates on this tragic quandary sweeping LC and make sure to spread the word regarding solutions to your sexiled friends. Together, we can aid our community in becoming a far more supportive place for incels. 

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