Illustration by Sofia Reeves

Inside the life of a self-proclaimed NARP

The student body at Lewis & Clark can be classified into two categories: athletes or non-athletes. 

Non-athletes are also referred to as Non-Athletic Regular People, or NARPs. If you are not on a sports team at LC, you qualify as unathletic regardless of the activities you do in your free time. Running marathons every weekend or participating in rock climbing means nothing if you are not on a team. Not all of us can be born Division III collegiate athletes. 

The existence of NARPS also implies the existence of Athletic Irregular People, or AIPs. These are the students who stand out on campus, proudly flaunting their coveted “chamPIOns” swag for all the NARPs to see. 

These social divisions are a worsening issue at LC. One student witnessed the AIPs demanding that all NARPs be sent to the back of the line at Fields Dining Hall. 

“Any contamination from feeble, unathletic regular people should be avoided at all costs,” claimed one athlete who wished to remain anonymous. 

Seeing a NARP and an athlete hanging out together might as well be an episode of “Unlikely Animal Friends,” more rare than the chihuahua and the chicken best friend duo in season 2. In fact, in their efforts to separate themselves from NARPs, most on-campus athletes reside in the safety of Copeland Hall.

Athletes can often be seen walking around on campus in packs of five or more, decked out in their exclusively black and orange attire, with ice packs wrapped to different parts of their body. After all, athletes have hard days too. And those ice packs serve as a reminder of the blood, sweat and tears that go into being a college athlete. As if a NARP could ever understand what it takes. 

 The pack-mentality of the AIPs has also resulted in structural damages on campus. According to Campus Maintenance, the footpath between Pamplin Sports Center and the Bon has needed substantial repairs three to four times per year due to excessive travel. The path is also often littered with discarded soggy plastic wrap from melted ice packs as their body temperature rises with the excitement of all-you-can-eat plates of protein and a large glass of whole milk. 

While LC does not have Greek life on campus, the presence of athletic teams make up for it. Similar to Greek life, a hierarchy exists among the sports teams themselves. The golf team, which consists of the most elite athletes at LC, are at the top of this food chain. Rumour has it, they were recently banned from a local country club for bullying the elderly members. They are the meanest, cruelest and most exclusive team. I would avoid them at all costs. Other teams (I will not name names, but you know who I am talking about) are border-line intramurals and are generally more welcoming to non-athletes. 

Specific teams have also begun capitalizing on their athletic status by charging up to $25 for NARPs to be admitted into local house parties. The golf team alone has driven up these fees by 250% since Fall 2018, due to their elite collegiate status. Erin Pinncacotti ’22, a captain on the golf team, admitted she views all non-golfers as NARPs, regardless of their other athletic affiliations. 

The NARP-AIP hierarchy has had clear impacts on the quality of experience on the LC campus as a whole. It is time to end this slur, NARPs must rise up! There is more to life than playing sports at a liberal arts college. Instead of letting our non-athletic status divide us, let it unite us. Pamplin’s doors are open to all. We are Normal Adorable Real People. #IamaNARPandIamproud.

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