Rejoice! Come ye, come all! For the tech geniuses who dwell within Silicon Valley have graced us with an extension of “Rate My Professor” called “Rate My Peers.” This amazing new add-on will allow users to not only rate their professors, but their fellow students as well. Some things that users will be able to rate their peers on include: whether they say they are socially liberal but fiscally conservative, how often they use playing devil’s advocate to be transphobic in class, if they are on a Frisbee “team,” if they came to Lewis & Clark just to be on a Division III football team and if they are a male political science major.
Students will be graded in five categories: class participation, group work, willingness to share notes, their political orientation and if they are a cis-het man. All categories are on a scale of A-F, for example in the last category a cis-het man would get an F (except for me, though, because I am one of the good ones). If they were really excited about Kamala’s nomination; they would receive a C- in political orientation because at least they were trying.
The app will also allow students to see what classes other students are taking, and even comes with an option to easily drop any class where there is an economics major. Sorry to all the economics majors out there, but no one really wants to hear about money. It is not real and never will be.
The reviews will not be anonymous. Everyone in your class will be able to see that you gave a positive review of Steve, and they will know it was not because of his insightful comments about Socrates, rather it was because he did your group project for you. Chad will know about the negative review of him but all it will do is make him mansplain why the Stonewall riots were unethical.
Some reviews that have already been written include Phoebe, who got a D in group work because volleyball was more important than the presentation meeting, Chandler, who got a B in political orientation for doing the bare minimum, Ross, who got an A in class participation for not interrupting any woman who speaks (also the bare minimum) and, finally, Joey, who got an F in being a man despite being one of the good ones.
Professors have also been using it to establish dominance by rating their favorite (and least favorite) students. The baseball players must be kept in check in any way that, so I understand.
So far, since this extension has been added to the LC website, productivity has gone up by 67%. The resulting drama means that no one has friends to distract them from their work anymore. Rate My Peers launched just in time for people to snitch on the Copeland kids who will inevitably have Halloween parties.