Break hearts with LC Severed Connections

Illustration by Joanne Sally Mero

Lewis & Clark Severed Connections is a private Facebook group created in 2008. It is dedicated for LC students and community members to end relationships or make sure they never continue. 

SC 1129: To the blonde boy wearing the “Oba-mao” shirt who pointed at my chest and said there was something there and when I looked down proceeded to flick my nose. Do you want to get punched in the face? Watch your back, I swear if you try and pull that on me again I will end you.

SC 1128: To the person in Watzek who makes phone calls and brings them into the quiet study section. Please, take it outside. Do not make calls here; go into a conference room or something. You are too loud. I want you to either stop or leave.

SC 1127: To the lactose-intolerant student who continues to eat dairy and blow up the second floor 

SC 1126: Stewart bathroom: STOP! Take Lactaid, or as an alternative measure, do not eat dairy. Eat your cereal with soy milk or whatever. Maybe you do not care what it does to you, but other people care what it does to our bathroom! 

SC 1125: To my roommate Stephanie: you are a soulless sloth without regard to social norms or common courtesy. You will not be able to leave a wet towel on my bed ever again. I am moving out, please do not try and talk to me on campus. Goodbye forever. Sincerely, the Removed Roomate. 

SC 1124: Kamala, we have been together for over two years. However, something has changed between us. We have both grown into different people than we were when we first met. I hate to say it, but I no longer love you. It is not you, it is us; we are just not compatible anymore. I treasured our relationship and you are still a wonder. But you are no longer my wonder. I hope you find someone who loves you as much as I used to.

SC 1123: To the guy I slept with last Tuesday, Ethan Malick. I do not ever want to hear the phrase “Geronimo” during sex again. I do not care if your last partner thought it was a turn on. I need you to skydive out of my DMs and life. 

SC 1122: To Bon pizza. Where is your sauce?

SC 1121: To the people who are always in pairs at the Trimet bus stop who smoke and have spitting contests. I recognize your chaotic energy, but please, I just want to go to work and y’all scare me. Is there another place you can carry out your tomfoolery? 

SC 1120: To the PioLog staffer that every Friday morning of publication, without fail, talks the paper up because “someone” had a really good article. I get it, you write for the PioLog, but this happens at 9 a.m., and I did not get enough sleep to deal with your energy. Take a chill pill and buzz off.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

AlphaOmega Captcha Classica  –  Enter Security Code