Pooping in privacy: your bathroom guide

By Joanne Sally Mero

Let’s cut the crap. Talking about pooping is no longer taboo. While it may not be the most pleasant conversation topic to have over lunch, it’s important to know the best places to go after said lunch.

Kaes Vanderspek ’21 would ideally choose the comfort of his dorm hall bathroom, but the top floor bathroom of Templeton is the next best thing. Since there are only two stalls in these bathrooms, this spot serves as a perfectly private space, as long as you’re not caught in the lunch rush.

Jennifer Anderson ’19 favors the bathroom on the first floor of Templeton near the mailroom.

“When you’re off to your 9 a.m. class and need to take a post-Bon breakfast poop, that’s the quietest place to go,” Anderson said. “Plus the toilet paper dispensers are great placeholders for your phone.”

As much as we all enjoy a morning dump, not every poop can be a relaxing time.

Say it’s the middle of the day. You drank a large latte from the Dovecote and the coffee poops are threatening your schedule. You’re stressed. There’s no time to run back to the dorms, so you have to make do. Academic side of campus can be tricky when it comes to finding privacy, especially with busy students shuffling between classes. However, there are some hidden gems.

Cora Layman ’19 says her classic spot is the single bathroom on the main floor of Miller. It’s spacious, clean, and offers a quiet ambiance.

“I also am always a fan of the Bodine bathroom downstairs where the labs are,” Layman said. “People almost never use it and the door to that hall is super squeaky so you have plenty of warning if someone’s on their way.”

Bonus tip: the women’s bathroom on the second floor of Howard gets so busy in between classes, sometimes the line extends out the door. If you’re in a hurry, head up to the third floor. No lines, no chaos, and you can pee in peace. Be respectful of the offices and meeting rooms on the sanctuary that is the third floor. Seriously, don’t ruin it for everyone.