50 things for seniors to do in their last 50 days

*The Backdoor is a “work” of “fiction” and “humor

By Graham Ring

  1. Find Emotional Stability
  2. Find Financial Stability
  3. Find Physical Stability
  4. Tell your family you love them
  5. Eat at the Bon one last time
  6. Find meaning in your life
  7. Eliminate competition
  8. Attend an LC event and procure free school-sponsored alcohol
  9. Put off your capstone/thesis
  10. Text your first-year roommate to get your clothes-hangers back
  11. Eat foot
  12. Find the hidden trail leading to LC’s endless onion supply
  13. Steal Pio the dog’s Statue
  14. Steal everything you can
  15. Remove yourself from the “LC Class of 2018 Facebook Page”
  16. Enjoy one last Wine Wednesday
  17. Steal the Declaration of Independence
  18. Say goodbye to your favorite professors
  19. Hold back tears
  20. Uncuff your pants. People don’t do that everywhere
  21. Return all your books to Watzek
  22. Accidentally interrupt a prospective students’ tour by sobbing loudly into your textbooks
  23. Capitalize on the soy milk abundance
  24. Go to an on-campus concert
  25. Delete all the photos on Twitter of you with a beer bong
  26. Save money
  27. Shatter the illusion that you’re saving money by purchasing your entire Amazon wishlist
  28. Cover up the light in front of the flagpole
  29. Drink from the reflecting pool to gain magic powers
  30. Finally cross the bridge
  31. Take a day off
  32. Take a commemorative photo with York
  33. Erase your apathy
  34. Say “I’m too old for this” after waking up hungover
  35. Reconnect with your family
  36. Struggle with the most basic concept of reality
  37. Do laundry
  38. Quit your on-campus job
  39. Reluctantly apply for a position teaching inner-city kids hoping to inspire them
  40. Spend a whole day doubting every life choice you’ve ever made
  41. Slowly resign yourself to the fact that you have to start an adult life
  42. Ask your relatives for more money and support as you become an independent adult
  43. Believe things will be alright
  44. Realize things will probably not be alright, but you’ll get through it
  45. Accept that the future will be tough, but at least you’ll have close friends
  46. Come to terms with the relocation of all of your friends to other parts of the world
  47. Celebrate the end of the line by staying in bed for an entire weekend
  48. Hit rock bottom
  49. Take a picture with Wim Wiewel!
  50. Spend some time at the reflecting pool taking in the view

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