50 things for seniors to do in their last 50 days

*The Backdoor is a “work” of “fiction” and “humor

By Graham Ring

1. Find Emotional Stability
2. Find Financial Stability
3. Find Physical Stability
4. Tell your family you love them
5. Eat at the Bon one last time
6. Find meaning in your life
7. Eliminate competition
8. Attend an LC event and procure free school-sponsored alcohol
9. Put off your capstone/thesis
10. Text your first-year roommate to get your clothes-hangers back
11. Eat foot
12. Find the hidden trail leading to LC’s endless onion supply
13. Steal Pio the dog’s Statue
14. Steal everything you can
15. Remove yourself from the “LC Class of 2018 Facebook Page”
16. Enjoy one last Wine Wednesday
17. Steal the Declaration of Independence
18. Say goodbye to your favorite professors
19. Hold back tears
20. Uncuff your pants. People don’t do that everywhere
21. Return all your books to Watzek
22. Accidentally interrupt a prospective students’ tour by sobbing loudly into your textbooks
23. Capitalize on the soy milk abundance
24. Go to an on-campus concert
25. Delete all the photos on Twitter of you with a beer bong
26. Save money
27. Shatter the illusion that you’re saving money by purchasing your entire Amazon wishlist
28. Cover up the light in front of the flagpole
29. Drink from the reflecting pool to gain magic powers
30. Finally cross the bridge
31. Take a day off
32. Take a commemorative photo with York
33. Erase your apathy
34. Say “I’m too old for this” after waking up hungover
35. Reconnect with your family
36. Struggle with the most basic concept of reality
37. Do laundry
38. Quit your on-campus job
39. Reluctantly apply for a position teaching inner-city kids hoping to inspire them
40. Spend a whole day doubting every life choice you’ve ever made
41. Slowly resign yourself to the fact that you have to start an adult life
42. Ask your relatives for more money and support as you become an independent adult
43. Believe things will be alright
44. Realize things will probably not be alright, but you’ll get through it
45. Accept that the future will be tough, but at least you’ll have close friends
46. Come to terms with the relocation of all of your friends to other parts of the world
47. Celebrate the end of the line by staying in bed for an entire weekend
48. Hit rock bottom
49. Take a picture with Wim Wiewel!
50. Spend some time at the reflecting pool taking in the view