Tragic: we fed a standard Bon dinner to our mascot and it died

Illustration by Rachael Obermiller

*The Backdoor is a “work” of “fiction” and “satire.”

By Hannah Posey-Scholl

We are sad to announce that as of last night, the Lewis & Clark College mascot passed away after consuming “food” from Fields Dining Hall (more commonly known as the Bon). Some of you may have known Buddy, the Newfoundland dog who previously held the mascot position here at LC. He was loved by the students for being the biggest, fluffiest dog on campus and brought joy wherever he went.

One student witness was sitting mere feet away when Buddy was taken down by the substances he had consumed.

“I think the school was trying to make people less upset about the Trail Room closing for dinner, so they brought him in to make people happy,” Timothy Jones ’20 said. Lisa Gibson ’19 who observed the tragic event described the scene in detail.

“The first thing they put in front of him looked like dog food curry,” Gibson said. “You know, the way the normal curry looks, but just a little more brown. It was sloppy, but he got through it, until he came back up after a bite with a piece of industrial tape sticking out of his mouth. His owner started looking worried then, and the Bon people grabbed the tape, switched the food out, and gave him some chicken stir fry and rice.”

Gibson continued, “my family’s always given chicken and rice to our dogs when they’re sick, so this seemed all right, but the first bite he took unearthed this huge clump of hair, and he just kept eating it. He seemed to be getting through it until he ate the soy curl cake for dessert … then he fell and never got back up.”

When asked to comment, Buddy’s owner said that he is considering legal action against the Bon Appétit Management Company, followed up by saying “Those poor students.”

A memorial for Buddy has been displayed outside of Fields Dining Hall. Students are already gathering around it, leaving not only flowers in memory of him, but also stolen plates, bowls and utensils as tokens of remembrance. A petition started online demanding a change in the college’s food provider.

Dogs are well loved here at LC, especially the friendly and fluffy giant of a dog that was Buddy.

“He was one of the reasons I came to this school,” said Joan Schilling ’21, crying as they placed flowers by Buddy’s remembrance display. “He reminded me of my dog at home, and made LC feel more welcoming. I just want to go home and see my dog now, and I’m not sure I ever want to eat at the Bon again.”

The Bon Appétit Management Company has declined to comment on the situation, and shows no signs of altering their menu or responding to this event in any way.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

AlphaOmega Captcha Classica  –  Enter Security Code